Mother. Mere. Mama. There is no more primal connection than that between birthmother and baby. For nine long months they are bound to one another by flesh. Moments after birth, they search for one another- baby for a nipple, mother for a glimpse of a smile. If. for whatever reason, the mother-baby bond is broken, the baby taken away to be reared by strangers, the baby may always long for the mother, and vice-versa.
Although adoption is often the gentlest solution to a painful dilemma, mother and baby may one day feel an overwhelming need to find one another again. To this end, the Internet is an invaluable tool. An Internet search can be the first - and often the most fruitful - method an adoptee has for refinding the birthmother. A Google search for 'mother' brings up some one-hundred-ninety-million hits. Searching for 'birthmother' yields a mere 256,000. Daunting? Indeed it can be, but there are several resources available to adoptees and birthmothers wishing to find each other.
Some adoptions, such as those arranged through Catholic Charities, are 'open' from the beginning. Others, especially those that took place in less enlightened times, can have searchers encountering wall after wall of legal difficulty. This is where organizations such as http://www.bastards.org can be of great help. Their mission is to forcibly open sealed records when necessary, and enact changes to laws that make it so hard for searchers.
Other groups, such as http://reunion.adoption.com, offer assistance. There, both birthmothers and fathers can be searched for, although birthmothers are much more likely to be looked for by adopted children. It's that mother-baby bond again important to our species, necessary to our hearts. Sometimes, birth parents cannot or will not be found. Then it may have to be enough that a thorough search was, at least, attempted.
If you or someone that you are close to was adopted as a child, chances are there will a need or desire for a Birthparent search in your future. Many people who have been adopted conduct a birthparent search for several different reasons. For some, it is a way for them to find out more about themselves or their birth family. Many want to see if they look like their parents or have certain traits in common. Others like to go forth with a search so that they can get some type of closure regarding the adoption so that they may then be able to move forward with their lives. Whatever the reason, conducting this type of search can be a very long and involved process.
When you start a search, you are going to want to try and gather as much information as possible. Depending on the state where the adoption took place, some adoptees are legally able to obtain a good deal of information regarding their adoption. You want to be sure and go through as many resources in the actual state where the adoption was finalized.
Keep in mind that a birth parent search can be quite an emotional roller coaster ride. Some people may have luck within the first couple of weeks of searching, while others may search for years without any leads at all. Either way, you need to prepare yourself for the results no matter what they may be. During this entire process, you want to be sure that you have a good emotional support system in place.
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Note: Our authors are dedicated to honest, engaged, informed, intelligent, and open conversation about adoption. The opinions expressed here may not reflect the views of Adoption.com.